Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Common problems with in MIL (mum in law) (2)
PT my ex colleague responded on my last posting Common problems with in MIL (mum in law) (1). Let me explain some of the missing details.

To add some details to what I posted, those are real issues between my mum and sisters in laws and my eldest sister and her in-laws but happen between 3 to 15 years ago. Maybe now there are less inconsiderate MIL but no matter how open MIL claim to be still there is something traditional about their values which they will use to compare to DIL. Each MIL has their dream DIL and when they do have one, they will compare DIL against what they hope for and start to complain when she is not what they expected.

To be honest my mother is hard to live with. She has some traditional values and can be very stubborn and expect not just children but DIL to have some values she has. To be fair to my mother, she is not totally wrong and I know that she has been open MIL that she encourages my brothers to move out and not stay together since she prefer to stay with her daughters.

But once any of us live with my mother, we need to take note of many details so as not to clash with her values. My mother does not expect DIL to cook and be housewife if she is working wife and help support family finance but will expect DIL to take good care of husband needs and take care of house cleanliness. She would try to clean the house herself and then end up feeling unwell and bad body ache. Then she will start to complain and nag and she will never scold or nag DIL but will do it to her son (my brother) and expect him to tell his wife for her. This indirectly started unhappiness in my brother's marriage but ever since my mother move out and stay with me now everything has been fine and peaceful.

Me and my second sister are working adults and we have tried to explain and pacify my mum previously about not to expect too much from DIL these days as life has completely changed. Wife are now working to help support family and would not expect all married women to take care of husband and MIL needs as they would 30 years ago.

To support one of my mother's claims, one of my sister in law she is a very untidy person and does not like to do any housework yet she is not willing to spend money to hire part time maid. My brother's house is always dirty and full with insects and other stuff. Last time after my mother move out honestly I seldom visit his house due to same unclean reasons till my sister in law's mother move in with them and she did all the cleaning for them now their place has been clean and tidy. During the time my mother stayed in my brother's house to help take care of his son for 2 years, she always see him does all the cleaning even wash and fold my sister in law's clothes she was very unhappy and problems started from then on.......................

Its always easy to see a person and talk to them but its never easy to live under same roof peacefully.

spoke at : 1:43 AM

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